the holidays begin with "charlie brown," who begins with "the great pumpkin," which is awesome

Happy Halloween, you guys!

little bit virginia-sick

Over the weekend this English major left Philadelphia to hit up her Old Dominion State.  It was bittersweet.  Plus I'm exhausted, so apologies for disorganized thoughts.

The non-blogworthy parts of Homecoming were good (fabulous pictures here).  It was energizing to be back in the Commonwealth: we hit the 'Burg during the 100 minutes it experiences autumn and it was pretty fantastic.  Also it was awesome to be funny again! VA appreciates my carefully-timed sarcastic delivery. My first parade was super fun, my first tailgate was kickass, and W&M destroyed "The Original Plan B" in a stunning victory.  Our fight song was played like a billion times (Diana: "We have a fight song?" HERE is the fight song).  Someone gave me a sickness and I swear upon all that is holy on this earth if it is swine flu I will cut a bitch.  Overall, seriously good times.

I also managed to spend most of my weekend wavering between emotional dipoles.  The College continues to exist without me, which is sobering.  Appreciating my new relationship with campus and the alumni body was exhilarating.  Seeing my W&M comrades was by turns wonderful and heartbreaking ... wherein lies the rub.

So many 09ers were coming back to campus that I finally decided yes, I would go.  Reservations be damned, I miss my friends and want to hear about their lives outside of status updates.  At first it was easy as I checked in with old friends - Diana and I will never run out of things to talk about, Amanda and I quickly fell into old comfortable habits.  Doug is Doug is Doug, and proof that some people will be in my life forever.  And dinner with the Tripod was especially awesome: we don't spend every moment attached at the hip anymore, suffering the same stresses and successes, but our friendship has evolved as our lives have. This is both comforting and encouraging.

Other moments were not great.  I really struggled with how some relationships have dissipated or moved away.  There were definitely some people to and from whom a hug sufficed, which was fine.  Some people didn't want to see me as much as I wanted to see them, which was painful.  Some people, um, are no longer interesting outside the College.  Which sounds so snooty, but what I mean is: we had W&M in common, but now we have alumni-ship in common and the difference is large enough that we don't relate anymore.  Still others I walked away from with the uncomfortable feeling that I will probably never see them again.  That is a sad thing to realize.

This whole "adjusting" thing is Sisyphean and I have been frustrated.  Hence, my Homecoming fears.  I'm still working on where I'm going from here and these moments are a big part of that.  Plus, it's just a weird place to be in general for WM's 09 class, so it's easy to feel a little lost and alone.  This being said, I'm surprised at how well we can relate and relieved that we do.  I'm thankful my friends share the same sentiments while remaining so supportive and optimistic, and ultimately I did enjoy taking those first steps to new off-campus friendships.  It means a lot that the people I was closest with then made time to be with me now, asked about my life and answered my own questions about theirs, and ensured we'll be together in the future somehow (be it visiting or traveling or virtual LOST parties, baby).  We are still close and will make it work as best we can, which I suppose is how adults make friendships work in the real world.
Plus: you guys are super hot and I'm stoked to have such sexy people in my life. Makes me feel sunny on the inside.

So ultimately, thanks for the weekend you guys.  Here's to new challenges and unexpected contented-ness-es.

The time feels right for a 

CHEESE-TASTIC PHOTO OP MOMENT

i'm still bringing reading, but will consider the weekend a clamorous success if none of it gets done

Couple things:
1) I live 3 miles from downtown for the following reason: if I WANT to be in the middle of Philadelphia's "WE'RE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES" rioting, I will go downtown.  Thank you for your thoughtfulness, but bringing the riot to my neck of Broad Street was a bit much.  (PS: Phillies are round two-ing the World Series!  It's so weird to live in a city that has really good professional sports)

2) As beautiful as Philadelphia is, my pictures of the city are starting to get boring.  I took a wrong turn downtown yesterday and found some fun stuff, but more importantly I found some great people and got really excited.  Unfortunately, trying to take pictures of people you don't know is really awkward so ... next time.  When I build enough courage to be awkward on purpose.  So, stayed tuned for my next project: "The People Here are So 'Unique'"!

Anyway.  Here's another picture of a building:

3) I got a string of Phonathon emails in advance of this weekend that made me cry:
- "Hey everyone!  Exciting news!  It's almost homecoming!  And Annie is coming to town (ONLY TO VISIT US, OBVIOUSLY)!  Lets hang out! ..." - Sup1
- "Since virtually none of my graduated friends love me and are not coming to homecoming (besides Annie), I ... can hang out whenever.  ... My parents will be in town for the weekend, but I can work them around hanging out with Annie." -Sup2
- "YOU GUYS.  Seriously you guys?  I am so excited that you're including me in your supervisor hangout.  I literally just shed a tear.  People in the Temple Library are looking at me funny.  You guys are awesome." - Me

Part of coming back for Homecoming (for me) is realizing how few undergrads I'm acquainted with and what the campus is to me now, after four years of dedicated service and crushing academic schedules.  Honestly, I was so worried that no one would really care that I was around and that coming back would be a mistake -- Happily, as evidenced above, there ARE people who look forward to catching up with me!  And not just the ones I've been bugging for weeks (Amanda and Diana especially have suffered through some novel-length emails).   I'm really excited about the weekend, but also really grateful that there are more people who care about me than I give credit to.  Note to self: be more thankful. You guys rule.  And I can't wait to see you too!

[Side note: growing up is hard, you guys.  It's weird to be on this side of campus, trying to find people, not sure what your new "alumna" role is.  Getting old blows (29 days to my next quarter-life crisis)]

STOP THE PRESSES

The previous post was all kinds of premature you guys!

I just got my first (8 page) paper on Hegel's Phenomenology of Spirit back ... 

A- !!

I am so throwing myself a party!  My whole semester just dramatically improved!  Grad school is awesome!!

it is like december does not even exist

My semester has divided into two strict camps: Theory vs. Literature.  Theory is dominating.  I wish I had established a safe-word earlier in the game because my brain is melting.

To my knowledge we did not have theory classes at W&M and I'm 100% sure it's because they are stupid.  These people are all dead and frankly their stuff is old and boring.  Also, with the advent of the Internet, let's face it: TOMORROW'S arguments are obsolete already, so ... seriously.  What do you have to say that is relevant.

I'm in it for the political activism, you guys: literature is no longer cooped up in libraries and ivory towers and exposit-ed upon by sneezy old white men in fraying blazers with patched elbows.  It's on the streets, babiez, and when you dig into lit you're holla-ing at today's issues and the movements at the forefront of society.  Thus, I do not see the relevance of critical theorists unless they are historically related to my field(s).  It's like a class on Latin American history when you're a European history major.  It kind of makes sense that you have to take it, but doesn't apply to you really.

My professors disagree.   Evidently theory is crucial to my training in literature.

Behold, my semester of ferociously warring tribes. 
Shakespeare class? Awesome.  My seminar paper hovers between Gertrude, Hamlet, Lear, and Cordelia, with a dash of extreme sociopolitical brilliance.  Modern Lit?  Marxism and modernism and the correlating rise of sexual visibility to crisis economies ... it's going to be a great qualifying paper contestant.  Awesome squared.

"Hegel?"  "Intro to Grad Studies?"  Kicking. My. Ass.  It's unreal how lost I am in discussion and how terrifically difficult the papers are.  I am floored by theory.  It is maddening.

I have grudgingly reverted to the undergrad system: 40+ hours in the library and haunting office hours.  I refuse to let Theory walk all over me like this and I will see you after class, Professors.

So, there you have my graduate school experience.  But to end on an optimistic note:




If THAT doesn't make you feel awesome, than I have nothing else for you sir.

i learned a new word today: 'hashtag'!

"Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect" - 1 Peter 3:15 (ESV)

I do now and will always have hope #andnotjustonmyObamafleece

ZING

mini-thoughts: mini-interesting

- This week was unapologetically academic.  For four days I was sequestered in various libraries, seminar rooms, and grad lounges helplessly suffocating under piles of books and articles.  And scratching out discourses on editorial privilege, and assembling bibliographies on "queer fish."  The ivory tower is a-lonely and strange.
On the plus side: if you extrapolate my progress I will have a complete mental encyclopedia of literature locked up by 2095!

-It was 33 degrees when I got up this morning.  Dan warned me: one day you wake up and Pennsylvania is COLD.  I desperately need to update (um, start building) a winter wardrobe before I freeze; my Obama fleece and a cute scarf does not a winter ensemble make

- Comedy: not universal??  In Virginia I'm hilarious but in Philadelphia I'm mildly eccentric and awkward.  It's weird.   Thankfully, sarcasm and "That's what she said" transcend regional differences, but I need to work on my material you guys

- Many more shows and films are set in Philly than you think, thus: theoretically if I spend enough time downtown I'll be an extra in a movie/TV show soon!  If you see me somewhere and I am uncredited, please waste no time updating my IMDB page as I am sincerely looking forward to fame

- Is anyone else feeling awkward re: Homecoming?  I can't wait to see campus again and hear what my fellow 09ers have been doing with their new off-campus lives ... but isn't it going to be weird?  Plus my hair is in that awkward not-cute growing-out phase.  Maybe I'll just plan to be at the Leafe the whole time, too inebriated to care.  Join me.
[Also: who's going to be there and let's make a date!  I miss you!]

- I accidentally abandoned tech-media this week for like the first time in my life.  Existential crisis.
I'm a fan of instant gratification and immediate knowledge; naturally, I am miserably addicted to the internet.  I spent so much time combing through lit databases this week I forgot the relentless Facebook updates and news media-haunting that is my daily life.  Spoiler Alert:  I did NOT cease to exist.
This weekend's experiment: the independent/French movies I've been meaning to catch up with and the non-essential reading that's been lonely on my bookshelf.

And, of course, the literary research.  So. Much. Literary research.

The view from my window yesterday!  Slowly PA enters fall

and I creep closer and closer to my first fall drive .. to Lancaster County.

 I need a homemade bonnet.

on an unrelated note: i hate how much i love "Party in the USA." does it remind anyone else of "The Tide is High" or is that just my own personal self-justification

"Let’s say you send some love to someone, but they don’t reciprocate the way you expected. That’s nothing to worry about. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Besides, if they don’t, why worry about that? If that mattered, you’d be creating that as a condition for having love in your life. Unconditional love is what we practiced when we came into this world in the first place – so it’s best we get back to being that.
... Life itself is empty and meaningless. Truly. It’s you who give meaning to something."

- JMraz @FF5000 

 

"...‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.' And the scribe said to him, 'You are right, Teacher. ... to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one's neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.'" 

- Mark 12:31-3 (ESV)

 
Arguably, the best part about babies is how hardcore everyone loves them.  They're all cute (except for this one) and everyone just loves them and they don't even have to do anything.  They just be babies and by virtue of being they are lavished with love and hugs and kisses.  That's so awesome.

But we grow up and for whatever reason that gets squashed.  We expect love to and from everyone, but instead we're taught fear and distrust and worry and to accept it all in stride because "Life isn't fair," etc.  That's so weird.

Moral: Unconditional love is easy, once it's remembered.  Like riding a bike.  Right?

english-major trivia of the day

Fact: Edgar A. Poe died October 7th, 1849.  He is the only American author I ever loved.
(Bonus fact: Poe died in a gutter 26 years after the University of Virginia closed its doors in his face.  COINCIDENCE?)

In celebration of his life and work, I give you Poe reading "The Raven:"



Creepy.

- For "Annabel Lee" (my favorite), click here

i think this is what a crack addiction feels like

I wasn't going to say anything until something actually happens, but my interview is Thursday at 6pm so that's enough legit-ness for this story:

Here's the thing.  I've been looking for a part-time job on campus or something because frankly, there's nowhere near enough stress in my life.  My coursework is suffering.  If I'm not tearing my hair out and losing sleep, I'm not doing my best work.  Plus, being a grad student is expensive.  So, I've applied for every office support, BSchool, and Phonathon position the campus is offering but unfortunately, to no avail (frickin' recession).  However!

My one interview is this week with my adorable apartment complex for a student intern spot.  They want to bring their off-campus student community together and the job description includes: "Prepare a monthly newsletter.  Plan and follow through with community events.  Be awesome and organized."  Much like your freshman RA or perhaps more accurately your SCG09 chairs.

Me: "Oh, awesome! Because I have so many ideas and the holiday season is right around the corner and I'll bring a notebook to take meeting notes and-"

Event planning is stalking me so hard, you guys.  Will keep you posted on any further developments (/humiliations)

philology lives

  "The story was told among the Hasidic Jews of Eastern Europe that disciples of a wise rabbi came to him to ask, "Rabbi, you teach us when we pray to say, ‘O God, you spoke and the world came to be.’  Rabbi, why should we not just say, ‘O God, you created the world?’  That would be simpler."
    The rabbi answered them, "We pray, "O God, you spoke and the world came to be,’ so that you may never underestimate the power of words to call whole worlds into being."
    By our words—the words we choose and the manner in which we speak them—we do call whole worlds into being.  We speak and construct a habitable world where people can grow and mature in strength and wisdom, or we speak in such a way that our world is small and mean, offering no space to grow, no room for forgiveness. ...Curses are common as dirt, but blessing is so rare."

- Patrick J. Wilson, 9/27/09 (full sermon here)

it's time for OCTOBER THINGS already you guys

It is Breast Cancer Awareness month! 
Tip for you: Breast self exams are fun solo or with a partner, and are the first (and most effective) line of offense for women's health.  Both get on it and remind the women you love that breast health is vital to body health!  BreastCancer.org and Feel Your Boobies have great tips and reminders.  Cheers!

Also Domestic Violence Awareness month (moves to May in 2010) 
The focus tends to revolve around women, but men are certainly not immune to abuse in the home.  Use this month to hug your families often, tell more people you love them, and take care of each other!

Fun dates in October!:
5th:

• International World Teacher's Day!  Reconnect with a professor who inspired you, drop off school supplies at a local school, and/or call a teacher in your family and thank them for their selfless daily acts of giving! 

8th:

• Croatian Independence Day!  Send your favorite Croatian a "Sorry your Independence Day is not ideal barbeque weather" card!

12th:

• Columbus Day AND Canadian Thanksgiving Day!  Confusing!  Thanksgiving is about Pilgrims and cornucopias and Squanto and Canada has none of those things so what's that about?

16th:

• World Food Day!  Donate non-perishable items to a local foodbank or volunteer at one!

21st:

• Apple Day!  Hug a MacBook!
  

24th:

• United Nations Day!  What better day than to get to know the leaders and issues of the world (I recommend Google Maps)!

31st:

• All Hallow's Eve, America's favorite pagan holiday!