i realized today that yesterday was the ides of march and i was like "oh. oh, that makes so much sense NOW."

Meltdown 2010: This Time It's Personal

I will say the following negative things about meltdowns.
- They suck.
- They suck most in public. (Like the bathroom of Anderson's 10th floor.)
- It takes a pretty freaking awful day to get THIS heart-of-solid-ice-cold-steel English major to A) cry and B) cry in public.  
So I lost it.  I completely melted down at 10am on the Ides of March and it was in public. 

I will say the following positive things about meltdowns.
- It was a little bit awesome to give up for a second.  I was not aware of how tense and high-strung and totally wiped out I am until it was THAT overwhelming.  And it was just the tiniest bit great to stop trying to solve everything and just deal with life's overwhelmingnesses.
- People will bear-hug you the moment they see your face post-meltdown. You don't even have to ask. It just happens. And then you feel better.
- People will also offer help, immediately.  In the last two days I have had offers for help with my assignments, readings, and physical assaults of the responsible-for-my-meltdown parties.  And let me be the first to state: having others to help with your general ass-kicking is priceless.

It is too long a story to detail why I was not at all emotionally capable of handling Monday's events.   I pride myself on my ability to generally kick ass and take names, but my WORD has this semester been spirit-crushing.  It's just been pretty, um, awful.  For many, various reasons and in several different ways.  Anyway.
The past few weeks have been rough and I was already in an emotionally not-great place and did not need a major thesis-related crisis to contend with at 10am Monday.  But the post-meltdown fallout has been kind of nice.

My new (as of 3pm yesterday) soulmate professor said the following beautiful things: 

This is exactly what you're going to do. Everything is going to be okay.

And proceeded to tell me exactly how to solve all my life's problems.  

I was like "SNAPS.  A whole big world of 'People Who Will Help You!' exists on the 11th floor of Anderson. Right above that special circle of hell reserved for general graduate student torture by hobbits and minions."  

Resolved: my first-born child will bear Soulmate professor's name, with pride.

Additionally, I decided to strip any and all self-pressures for this week.  It is a novel concept: I will consider this week a success if I am still alive at the end of it, and then I will celebrate being me. And still alive. 
Surprising finding: you can't help but have a great day when "success" equals "JUST REMAIN ALIVE."

Also yesterday afternoon I put my hair up in the library and someone noticed my tattoo: "That's so cute! Nice to have a reminder, too LOLZ" 
I eventually realized by that she meant "...that the sun still exists in the middle of this torrential downpouring rain we've had for four days, freaking hurricane out there, what's the deal" but I first took it to mean "...that there will be optimistic sunshine-y days again soon SO CHEER UP YAYZ" 
So of course I was all "Thanks LOLZ!" and whistled a little "The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow" because I will make adorable "Annie singing 'Annie'" jokes like that.  Dork. 
But you know what?  It did.  The sun did come out today so you guys can take that little gem to the bank.

And as a final bonus: the universe gave me a wonderful present all wrapped up in a little bow just because it "heard [I] was having a bad day." Oh, universe. We're so good together.
Behold Carlton Cuse's latest tweet:

(VERY MINOR SPOILER.) Tomorrow's episode of LOST? "Recon."

It's a Sawyer episode and he has sex. Need I say more?

NO, SIR.  That will SUFFICE.

 Honestly, I do not deserve such nice things. Well, except the day after I totally lose it and need special attention like whoa so
THANKS UNIVERSE