life's a little slower downtown

First day of classes tomorrow. Here's my Temple schedule:

• Monday: No class
• Tuesday: 9a-11:30a "Hegelism" (with Professor Dan O'Hara!) and 1:30p-4p "Intro. to Graduate Study"
• Wednesday: 9a-11:30a "Shakespeare"
• Thursday: 12p-2:30p "Modern British Literature"
• Friday: No class

I'd like to remind you that 12 credits is an overload. And yes, you poor overworked souls: that's a four-day weekend. Every week.

It IS really weird not to have "SCG" in purple on my calendar 7 days a week. Or Phonathon or the Wren building or a zillion meetings. I have so much time in which to do things. It's a little uncomfortable.

omg i'm seriously you guys! SERIOUSLY!

Or: "William and Mary doesn't have this!"

To preface this entry: I have no words! Only acclamations.

Temple is OMG awesome. For serious. No agglomeration of words or miscegnation of pictures is sufficient to describe its Total. Awesomeness.

FACT: The grad student lounge is the entire penthouse suite of the Liberal Arts College. [Related FACT: I have VIP access.]

FACT: Temple is super, super huge compared to WM but with half the acreage. Think about that.

FACT: Temple somehow has tons green space, garden areas, and reflecting pools to make you forget you are in downtown Philadelphia.

FACT: It's kind of a concrete jungle compared to WM. Like every building on campus is made of brick, whereas here it's concrete and glass. However! The buildings are so tall and have so many windows and there are so many gardens and lawns that that's just an aesthetic observation really. It's still awesome!

FACT: There are little food huts (I counted three) that sell only bagels. They are bagel huts! WM doesn't have food huts, much less bagel huts!

FACT: English is housed on the 10th and 11th floors of Anderson, and shares a lot of space with neighboring Gladfelter. The view alone of downtown Philly (which is RIGHT THERE, btw) is worth the long elevator climb.

FACT: Weather in August/Sept is eons better in Philadelphia than Williamsburg. 75, sunny, no humidity? Yes please. (Ed. Note: to be revisited when winter hits)

Pictures and anecdotes coming soon, when I've had time to recover from the utter awesomeness that is Temple University. Best (if scariest) decision I've ever made, you guys. Can't wait to give you all tours!!

the meaning of life is easy, really, when you get right down to it

"God is present by Love alone. By Love alone He is great and glorious. By Love alone He liveth and feeleth in other persons…. The Soul is shrivelled up and buried in a grave that does not know Love. But that which does love wisely and truly is the joy and end of all the world….

Love is the true means by which the world is enjoyed: Our Love to others, and others’ Love to us. …
You are as prone to love, as the sun is to shine."
- Thomas Traherne, Centuries of Meditations (ca. 1670)

Or alternately:

"There is only Love. Everything else is our resistance to it."
- Terces Engleheart

My favorite part about exploring different churches and faiths is that it really all boils down to the same answers to the same questions: everyone's final answer is some form of the above. (Note to Amanda: the first came from a 'Burg Presbyterian service.) My goal is to find something that gets the above, which is probably going to be a way different experience than exploring in the South. My Northern adventures begin with a Baptist Church downtown (my family is SBC, so I'm at least prepared), and cheers for culturally-rich Sunday mornings!

Or pretty soon I'm going to wind up in Hipster Village learning Buddhism. I mean, I'm open to new things.

So Philly has over a million people and hundreds of churches, which means I should average like 18 services a week?

evolution

I love the new conversations between now-alumni. Having lunch with fellow `09ers is a totally different experience than having lunch in April, and I seriously can't get enough.

Here's the thing: Pre-graduation, it was taboo to ask what people wanted out of life, where they wanted to go, and the steps they were going to take to get those things. The few answers so often had a dreamlike quality: people had a vague idea of what they wanted, but no concrete plans or ideas. True, I wanted to answer those questions least of anyone: I had big-city, starving-artist dreams and that's as far as I got. The hazy future beyond idealized W&M days was best left unexplored because, seriously, let's just go to the Leafe instead. It's Cocktail Night.

Today (and yesterday, and last week), the conversation naturally evolved from "How has your summer been?" to "Where do you want to be/see yourself?" What made me happiest was these are the same questions asked in April, but now they are so easily asked and answered. Even the answer "I don't know" is supported with genuine discussion of the need to find something that's "right" and the refusal to settle for anything less than what will bring happiness. Additionally, the answers aren't dreamy anymore: they're real, and answering them is not just a confirmation to others but a confirmation to ourselves. Scary. Still, there's this beautiful acceptance that we're the same people who descended on W&M's campus four years ago, but just as we were all different people then, we're different now and headed for different things.

We look to and celebrate each other's decisions and fears by asking and answering. Best, when we don't know what the next day will bring the conversation becomes even more inspiring. The answers become affirmations of the need to follow our hearts and make decisive calls that fulfill our deepest needs. Job titles, money, location ... these things are important, but just as necessary are opportunities for personal growth, a sense of making a difference, and feeling inspired by our work. This makes the choices we have so much more meaningful and put more weight on our every step.

Peter said it best, though I'll paraphrase here:

"No one handed us jobs after college, or told us what to do and where to go. So, we have an opportunity to set aside the status quo and really assess what we want, then make decisive choices and paths for getting there. This is a unique moment in history, and our generation has an unprecedented opportunity to establish a new idea of 'success' and 'fulfillment.'"

Well, that's half Peter and half me. But you get the idea: there is no path. There is no bar marked "IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU ARE A SUCCESS." Rather, every single step you take creates the path, and every day you feel full and happy is a success.

Guys. Make the most of every moment you are given to create that path. You have to: we don't have rules and opportunities like previous graduating classes and generations have had. Generation Y every day is dealing with an economic collapse, huge instability of our political systems, an uncertain definition of what the US is or will be in the future...

But think about it: we were given such a massive gift. There are NO RULES, you guys! We have the opportunity to redefine who we are and want to be. Thus: you can do whatever you want, however you want to, and create for yourself the most satisfying, fulfilling, and beautiful life you could have dreamed of. It's scary because it's all you and no one can tell you what's next -- but by that same token, no one can tell you what's NOT coming next, either.

But really it's not that scary, because you've already done it: everything you have right now you worked for. You created yourself, you created your opportunities, you created your dreams. There are no maps to your future -- there is just you, and a shaky deep breath, and that terrifying and empowering moment you take that leap off into the great unknown and let the world give you back what you've worked so hard toward.

Do it you guys. You deserve it.

Invite me to your blog when you get started so I can live vicariously through your wildest dreams.

it's easy because you're beautiful

It was bound to happen: I'm in LOVE with Philadelphia. The story of our love affair continues in this chapter.

Today's journey was a singular one. I've barely left my apartment without Dan: the subway terrifies me (let's face it, it's no DC Metro) and the city is BIG and he's brave. However, this afternoon Ashley Hampton `09 and I had a coffee date at 3pm and Christine refuses to move to Philadelphia to help me. Thus, the dreaded day arrived: I grudgingly left the cocoon of safety that is York North and walked toward certain death.

Luckily, the Olney stop is right in front of the Albert Einstein hospital grounds, two blocks from my door, so that was no big deal... but immediate crises: how the hell do you use tokens on a subway? Where are the maps? Where are the super-convenient but evidently unique to DC screens with train arrivals posted for all to see? Wait, the lines aren't color-coded??

I am already lost, you guys.

Insider tip for friends from below the Mason-Dixon line: Embrace your "accent." I know for a fact that everyone here talks way too fast, but to them I sound like I should be drinking lemonade in a rocker on a porch instead of trying to navigate the subway. Pretty quickly I figured out how to befriend people: ask for help with a "Sir" or "Ma'am" and people will give it out of pure pity for your backwoodedness. Right away I learned tokens, color-coded lights on trains, and how to use the way-better Express line from kind strangers. One of whom was a train conductor who could tell I was lost. [Ed. Note: look less lost, it's probably a safety hazard.]

Also, I have no photographic proof of this, but my train to City Hall was 23 and my train home was 32. Instant great day. The universe was all "Chill out. You got this. You made it through the station and PS this train is for you."

The City Hall stop was maybe not the most convenient Rittenhouse Square stop, but it's 15 minutes down the same Broad Street line and I climbed up right into City Hall. I was two hours early (because the subway is SCARY) and wandered through downtown. It was ineffably awesome. I just wandered through the most beautiful parts of the city all day. The best part: Finding the Parkway Museum District! [Ex: The Franklin Science Museum is having a sci-fi year and right now it's the "Star Trek Exhibition!" You can sit on the bridge of the Enterprise and yell "KHAN!" and that's like the only time in your life you can do that, you guys. Plus the Philadelphia Art Museum host free jazz concerts on the Museum steps every Friday and cocktails are served as the sun sets! You guys!]

But I digress. Pictures are on Facebook.

So, the thing is, Philadelphia is pretty awesome. The sheer size and scope of the buildings downtown get me every time. The food is fabulous anywhere. The art and theatre culture is almost overwhelming. Ashley and I got coffee in the cutest coffee shop right off the very green and fabulous Rittenhouse within walking distance of anything. AND the subway is not that scary at all: I can go down to the city in 15 minutes anytime, but I can go home to my little green oasis whenever I want to (or get overwhelmed).

And I haven't even started classes at Temple yet. You guys. This is awesome.

a beautiful mess

After hours of deliberation, a compromise was struck: Christine lives, but only as long as it takes for my family and I to find something way classier. I've been charged with test-driving every new Honda, Toyota, and Saturn I can find and taking notes. My little sister is doing the same in Va Bch and already loving it.

So, it's kind of fun in the end, really :)

Today's agenda: Tackling the Broad Street line. The bookstore. Lunch downtown. Coffee in the classiest of coffeehouses on Rittenhouse Square. Pick up a revitalized Chrstine?

My MA orientation begins Friday, classes on Monday. I seriously can't wait until graduate classes are the only things I have to worry about -- the 72 hour countdown begins!

taking a poll

My mom wants to take Christine off life support and get me a 2009 Chevy Aveo instead. It's red and obvi brand new. She'll assume payments for the next year or until I get a "real" job (here's hoping I make a PhD program first).

So. Kill Christine or keep her barely alive? Poignant, topical debate.

hurt just precedes healing, and healing is good

I don't think things happen for a reason. The world is pure science and science is math and math is predictable, so there's a certain level of predetermined ability to logically conclude, but things don't happen for a reason. That's just silly. Things happen because you made a mistake, or haven't experienced this before, or you've worked hard for it. There is no intelligent design; there is only what you put out there and fight to obtain.

This being said, I learn every day from what happens versus what could have happened.

This weekend I learned that every moment is precious and as much as I live to love and learn, I could lose everything pretty fast. I also learned you should charge your phone every night, regardless of legendary battery life. I learned that sometimes, the police won't help you, even if you have an APB out and match the description of the young woman in need. Sometimes the battle is too hard and it's just so much easier to just give up.

Most importantly, though, I learned who my friends are and to what extent they'll run to help me. They did absolutely everything they could, even if it didn't seem like much at the time. And that meant a lot.

I'm okay, even if it was touch-and-go for a minute. I made it and am safe, if not very happy, and I'll beat this. This experience gave me an opportunity to look around and appreciate that I don't have to be alone, even if I'm by myself in a big city. The people who love and care for me are always there, but this gave me an opportunity (if terrifying) to feel their presence acutely. It's much less dramatic than it sounds, really.

So this is where I kick myself a little. I wanted Philly to be life-changing: I love being outside my comfort zone and pushing every boundary I come to. This came pretty close to being the end for me, but the thing about that is:

"That which doesn't destroy you, can only make you stronger." - Nietzsche

just fyi

Gambler's Fallacy:

The gambler's fallacy...is the belief that if deviations from expected behaviour are observed in repeated independent trials of some random process then these deviations are likely to be evened out by opposite deviations in the future. For example, if a fair coin is tossed repeatedly and tails comes up a larger number of times than is expected, a gambler may incorrectly believe that this means that heads is more likely in future tosses.^[1] Such an expectation could be mistakenly referred to as being "due". This is an informal fallacy.

The gambler's fallacy implicitly involves an assertion of negative correlation between trials of the random process and therefore involves a denial of the exchangeability of outcomes of the random process.

So yeah. Don't just assume that because so many bad things have happened more can't possibly be on their way.

challenges

The biggest struggle I foresee with this year is not knowing what's coming.

In a lot of ways, the obvious unknowns will work themselves out: I'll meet with my advisors and faculty members before determing my PhD application process. I'll get my hands on practice language proficiency exams before worrying about the difficulty level in passing. I'll post a precis draft to my thesis advisor and get some feedback before worrying about publishing a thesis. I'll find people to get lunch with and roam museums with and challenge literary criticisms with.

Others are much more subjective and difficult to find answers to: What happens if I do wait to apply for PhD programs and need to find a job? What if it snows in September and I decide I hate PA? What if Temple really does declare bankruptcy? Even more, who are my friends going to be one year from now? My favorite recurring question: What's "normal," now that W&M is a memory and everyone's lives are headed in vastly different directions?

As much as I trust myself to be okay and overcome obstacles and find fulfillment and happiness in whatever I do, it's tragic to think I'm doing these things alone. Then again, lots of people move away without moving apart, and I've built enough strong friendships I'm confident of that it's hard to justify being afraid of losing them. Maybe there's a difference between being alone and being lonely?

It's cheesy, but I definitely fear the unknown for this year.

i'd like to know more about this clothespin

1. City Hall through Dan's sunroof














2. A massive clothespin?
















3. Lunch at a pub. Great day.

new plan: learn something new every day

It took some adjusting, but I officially love every opportunity to compare big-city life with my small-town sympathies. Little things like living on the 10th floor are really cool (I don't remember the last time I was in a building this tall that wasn't a hotel in NYC), and big things like going to the Philadelphia Museum of Art or catching a show are just a quick car or metro ride away. I'm also totally stoked that Philly is right between NYC and DC: there's a neat "important hub HERE" feel about the place, and I'm kind of all about self-importance. Plus the news is more global and events in those cities have an impact right away (more later). In other words, Virginia is definitely home, but this Philadelphia experiment is quickly establishing itself as a promising and very fun year.

There are so very many things I can't wait to do.

Today, Dan and I are headed into Center City for lunch (and water-ice!) which is my best opportunity to learn how to be metropolitan from a native. Taking notes and pictures and anecdotes and lots lots more

life and love

My adventures in Philadelphia have already been exhausting. I got about halfway unpacked before I gave up and decided to take pictures instead. Thank goodness classes don't start for another two weeks.

So, my apartment is 3.5 miles from Temple's campus, which itself is the edge of downtown (Center City area). The complex is right off Broad, but tucked away into a very green, quiet, clean little neighborhood. My studio is on the 10th floor, with a lot more space and bigger windows than I had anticipated. The view is phenomenal, and I can't take any pictures that do it enough justice. Plus my window faces due west, and the sunset every night is beautiful. I have a kitchen, dining area, big desk, full bed, big bathroom, and way too much closet space. This is the best excuse to shop downtown.

Temple is gorgeous, and the Anderson Hall building is right across the street from the uber-enormous library. It's so far removed from W&M's campus, but really nice and bright and exciting nonetheless. I haven't been able to walk around down there yet, but as soon as I can I'll get pictures posted so you can gasp. I'm so glad I only have class in the one building though - how does one get between buildings on an urban campus like that? It was hard enough getting from Morton to Tucker in 10 minutes, I can't imagine trying to get from one side of Temple to the other in the same crunch ...

And downtown, the little of it I've seen, is awesome. Center City is this great meld of NYC and DC all in one: there's tons of green space and historic district area, but also moments of skyscrapers and the odd impressive sculpture. I walked past so many cafes and coffee houses and bars and hope I have enough time in a year to check them all out! Plus, the sheer number of art museums, galleries, concerts, shows ...

Guys, it's already awesome. Start planning your visits to B&B Anne now, I'm taking reservations

oh. my. god. (Part II)

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My New Beginning. Or: Christine and the Reign of Terror.

This is part II of why my move to Philadelphia was the worst thing ever.

I crack a lot of jokes about Christine's "accidental" demise over cliffs, and she totally qualifies for the CARS program and I keep threatening her with it when she gives me attitude. She's old: she's a 2001 Dodge Dakota Sport that I've owned for six years. (Also, my whole family drives trucks and it's not weird or THAT redneck. It's a thing.)

Christine is such a help sometimes, though, and has transported more than one friend's sofa or desk or whatever and jumped a few engines too. She's like a friend that you love but gets annoying sometimes but that's life. People like her, even if she's a dork. I am aware of irony.

On Wednesday, I had one of those perfect storm maintenance situations: inspection, oil change, and a recall (!) coalesced into one visit. Seven hours, two days, and a brake change later, Christine was healthy and ready to get this new chapter started. Fast forward to Friday, 3pm: my engine starts billowing smoke in heavy 95N traffic. Awesome. Christine was towed to the nearest Dodge service station (in Silver Springs, MD) and we were stuck.


Bad news is the Williamsburg Dodge installed my brakes incorrectly and they burned out, and the Silver Springs Dodge won't be able to fix her til Saturday-ish. There is some sort of legal-ese my mom took the reins on, thankfully, because between moving and having car trouble I was barely able to walk a straight line. We took two trips with my mom's minivan and I eventually made it with all my stuff. But I'm stuck in Philadelphia without a car, which is scary.

Good news is there's a rail system, plus Dan has offered to hang out when he's not working. There might even be a lunch-in-DC on Saturday option: if we can work the time right, Dan can travel with me and I'm going to see if Diana is available!

So that was part II of why this has been the worst weekend ever. But even then it's really not that bad. Stay tuned for apartment, downtown, and campus news!

oh. my. god. (Part I)

So I disappeared for a few days. My friends know my crack addiction to email/FB, so imagine what horrific events must have taken place to keep me offline for a whole four days.

Now triple them. This is part one.

I'd like to preface by saying that Philadelphia is kind of really awesome. Seriously, it's really great. But I freaked out hardcore when I got here and this is the story of my first 24 hours in a big city.

Philadelphia downtown = urban city, and Temple University is an urban campus. Check. Somehow I was not prepared for the culture shock. For example: Walking around campus at W&M, you could see every academic building in a good hour, whereas I will probably never see all of Temple. Also, city blocks do not look like the movies. I mean, some of them downtown definitely do, but you have to go through others to get there. It's really scary at first.

And different. We finally got here Saturday night, and I started bawling right away. I refused to unpack anything; I decided to give up and go home the next day instead. Liza kept handing me tissues and picking me up off the floor, and the few people I talked to on the phone got extended sobbing when I think they anticipated excited-ness. On Saturday night I was already on my way back to Virginia.

The tide finally started to turn when Mom, Dad, and Josh came up on Sunday. They gave their seal of approval on my apartment and Temple and jump-started my transition. I spent two days with my family finding the grocery stores, setting up more of the apartment, and checking out Center City. We spent some time in museums, walked the Historic District, saw Rittenhouse Square, took pictures of the LOVE park... I even ate a special-order chicken cheesesteak, which was delicious if full of meat.

Mom and I found a Farmer's Market downtown and discovered Anderson Hall tucked away on a pretty part of campus. I saw tons of student tour groups, the B&N Temple bookstore, and met some of the other students moving in. We found parks and trees and cafes and museums and colonial interpreters. I have a full card of pictures to upload ASAP. And in the end I'm okay. I'm excited and I'm having fun and I have so many museums and shows and galleries and musicians and people to see.

And so much to unpack.

the class `09 curse has a soft spot for me today

Here's hoping we miss the rain ... it's supposed to rain in the morning in Philadelphia and the evening in Williamsburg, and with any luck we'll slide right through it.

i've a bad habit of loving and leaving you

It's not you, it's me. I've moved on. I'm going through a selfish phase and just not ready to be in a relationship. I'll always love you, I'm just not in love with you. I think you love me more than I love you. I need to explore new territory, uncover new passions, discover myself again ...

We can still be friends, Williamsburg.

master procrastinator

I've even put off starting THIS to almost the last moment. Let it be known from the outset: Moving is way hard. And, additionally, I am paralyzed with fear at the prospect.

This grim note aside, I welcome you to a pretty awesome blog. I'm spending my year in Philadelphia earning an M.A. in Modern British Literature (with a certification in Women's Studies, let's not forget how awesome I am) living big, like a proud and starving artist. Or alternately: living "abroad" during a year of personal growth. Or maybe like a pretentious, ivory-tower academe. Whatever, it's going to be awesome and you are a better person for subscribing.

This, however, does not negate the awful truth that moving from Williamsburg is pretty much hell. Thus the procrastination, from packing to lease-signing (eek) to this.

I moved to the 'Burg in August 2005 to start college and never looked back; it's bittersweet to say goodbye almost exactly four years later. 17th century interpreters, swampy humidity, freaky tourists and all, I'm heartbroken to leave. W&M alums are picking up what I'm putting down.

You can totally take awesome pictures with a stone-age Kodak camera.
Circa July 2009

My high school admissions tour took us down the Sunken Gardens pathway on the Ewell side, and I had one of those super-dorky "This is so my College!" moments that convinces you you'll never belong anywhere else. Thus, those uneven bricks have always held personal significance for me, and five years later I walked them one last time to say goodbye. It sucked.

On a whim, I chose to visit Tucker a final time last week. It housed my ephemeral second major, and was where I made the terrifying call to close the lid on science and pursue something impractical because I freaking love it and that's my only reason. Thanks to Tucker's general awesomeness, I am headed to graduate school in three days and am totally stoked.

I even shot Tyler an obscene gesture on my way in, because as much as I love my BBA friends the BSchool is pretty much diametrically opposed to everything I love and celebrate about life. IE I love jabbering on about narrative technique and cultural interpretative significance by artistic movement while you guys are next door giving Powerpoints on capitalism's destruction of Asia or whatever. Hilarious. And also: cubicles suck passion from one's soul. Corporate America advocates homogenity. And "paper jams" are a myth designed to eat away at your sanity. Poor BBAs.

But more to the point, I don't know what I was expecting at Tucker. Maybe a quick tour of my old classrooms, a lingering Professor to talk RenDrama with, leftover chalkboard notes on Milton or something. Anything that felt right during this goodbye moment.

Certainly not this:
Ouch. What an inglorious kick in the ass.