MY LORD COULD THAT HAVE TAKEN ANY LONGER

46 DAYS LATER:

For the LOVE, Sharon.

and THAT, friends, is my last hour of required coursework. pheewwwwww

Overheard in 1138, Spring 2010

professors are uncensored people, too

1/19/10
"I think all English professors are frustrated actors." soulmateprofessor

1/16/10
[Classmate: "So I had an interesting idea about social work in --"]
"Oh GOD. Save me from another 'interesting idea.'" ladycrushprofessor

1/26/10
"It's Tristram fucking Shandy." ladycrushprofessor

2/1/10
[Following a rousing performance of Finnegan's Wake:]
"Part of my senility is that I find myself singing in more of my classes. " ancientwakeianprofesser

2/16/10
"God, you guys.  You don't want to fuck with someone you don't like.  Well, you probably have, but ultimately ... it's just not good." ladycrushprofessor

3/23/10
"OMG RUDE." ladycrushprofessor
"It draws in many ways on Emerson. Not that that's that important. Just to let you know that I know that." ladycrushprofessor

4/2/10
"It was, like, junior year in high school and I remember telling my mother: 'In the case of a nuclear event, we should drive toward San Francisco.  It is best to be atomized." clarkekentprofessor

4/13/10
"You know it's art. Because you can't understand it." ladycrushprofessor

4/19/10
"I have a tendency to be a latent heterosexual. We all have our hang-ups." ancientwakeianprofessor

4/26/10
"And now I'm going to say something positive about Christianity. 'Why would I do this?' you ask... Are you ready for a gross image?" -ancientwakeianprofessor

4/27/10
"It's the end of the semester! Thank GOD. I need to retire." ladycrushprofessor

this is what the end of the semester looks like.

Donovan: "Well, you understand that we've reclassified the Master's paper as not another hurdle, but another turtle."
Anne: "A turtle?"
Donovan: "A turtle.  They hand you another turtle and you're expected to follow it around, figure out where it's going.  What kind of turtle it is.  It barely moves.  And if you push it too hard it just curls up into its shell and doesn't do anything which is worse than barely moving.  And of course you have five other turtles all in front of you and you have to follow all of them around but this turtle ..."
Anne: "A turtle."
Donovan: "A turtle."

I AM IN FACT GOING THERE.

You guys there are SIX EPISODES LEFT and I am required by law to post AN SINGLE homage to LOST before the finale!
Blame Landon: he Sawyer-homaged on my FB wall and I am not strong enough to resist that hot piece of dimpled Southern con man.
[Above link pretty much NSFW.]
[SKate. It's happening. Stop denying it.]

Out of respect for the English-major-ness of this blog I choose:  

SAWYER'S BOOK CLUB: he's pretty well-read actually

Happy LOST night you guys!

We were so innocent in Season 1. Do you guys even remember Season 1?

Judy Blume's Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
Grown man.
No shame.

Arguably more island-emo than the Ayn Rand Fountainhead moment is the classy set of Buddy Holly glasses.
Team Sawyer.

John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men and yes: the man is in JAIL and READING instead of scrapping for cigarettes or working on his Michael Jackson.
TEAM.
SAWYER.

Adolfo Bioy Casares's Invention of Morel. Hey you guys: remember when I was totally on point re: parallel universes?   WIN.
(LITERATURE. IT IS USEFUL.)

A

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle.
Guys don't interrupt a homie when he's READING.
ACKRITE.

RICHARD ADAMS' WATERSHIP DOWN!
SO! MANY! BUNNIES!

And finally GET. ON. THE. SKATE. TRAIN.












This has been your LOST post! YOU ARE WELCOME!

LIFE-ALTERING STANDARDIZED TESTS

So those PRAXIS tests?  One of which I am pretty confident I failed miserably?  The other of which I was not entirely sure I would score as well as a fifth grader on?

ElemEd Content: PASSED.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

A) My numeric score not only PASSED but has an (E) tacked on.  I thought that was weird.  I checked it out.  Evidently my score is high enough to qualify for "Recognition of EXCELLENCE!!1!1":

Excellent. I am JUST AS SMART as a fifth grader even if I remain unclear regarding Benjamin Franklin's Presidential status (Not a President?  French prostitutes.  Bifocals. The Constitution? Bennies? Printing presses).

B) Virginia's standards for passing are lower than Louisiana's. I am excellent bistately.

C) PS. I'm an English major, which may or may not be widely known among my reading public.  I also hold a Bachelor of Sciences degree because that is cooler than Arts (OR BUSINESS OH SNAP) and it is a magnificent piece of art patiently waiting for a living room couch over which to be prominently hung and duly worshipped.  Not that I use the Sciences part: pretty sure I'm better at English anyway.

Or used to be.  Um, I scored third-lowest on the language arts section.  Just about math level, in fact.  There are people in this world who remember teaching me how to SUM NUMBERS in Physics sophomore year so what the what is that about.

I have this dream of one day being handed a PhD eventually someday, and according to ETS it should be in Chemistry.  Or Physics.  OR SCIENTOLOGY.

Which is great because women in the sciences get paid like a billion dollars a year, right?

chocolate. bunnies.

Home to that seductress Commonwealth for Easterings!

So, um, about yesterday, Commonwealth.  I'm sorry.  I was little harsh, but you understand.
You're beautiful.  You have Trader Joe's wine.  Thomas Jefferson. 13 electoral votes.  The Beach. Mountainous mountains.  Colonial living.  Skyline Drive.  Peach, Strawberry, and Neptune festivals.  The #6 public university in the nation.
The key to my heart.

You seduced all my friends and I got emotional.  I'm sorry.  But really I lessthanthree you and should say it more often.

Plus, none of those Virginia-bound homies^max have ever had crawfish étoufée (much less REAL crawfish étoufée) (in S.LA) (during Mardi Grass '11? DIANADANetal??) and oh man does THAT day sing of bells and rainbows and joyous whistles.

So, Virginia, to conclude: I'm thrilled to see you this weekend and we can make up over gorgeous weather and chocolate bunnies!  I forgive you already!

TO VIRGINIA!!

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." - Psalms 51:10

OKAY GUYS WTF JUST HAPPENED.

So let's make a couple things clear.

I am SO PROUD of my various friends and their many impressive accomplishments.  CONGRATULATIONS, FRIENDS!  You are doing AWESOME THINGS with your lives and I love visiting you at your respective jobs and super-kitsch homes and witnessing the GLOBALLY-SIGNIFICANT THINGS you are doing EVERY DAY!

I am incredibly fortunate and deeply humbled to be counted among your homies^max.  Please let us be friends forever, through life's many trials, tribulations, joys, and triumphs because FACT: you are the best, friends!!!

But I do have a request.

An Open Letter to All Y'All:

STOP BEING FABULOUS IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA.

I am aware!: It is WELL-KNOWN and DOCUMENTED that NoVa/DC headlines as

"Hittin' It One More Time: WM Tribe and the Post-College LOLZ!"  

We all knew this!  It was kind of a joke but not really because it was true!  There is an IKEA and the White House is nearby and all your friends live there and it's not selling out at all!!1!

But holy snapcrackles has the gauntlet been thrown.  The last people in the world I was confident were remaining outside the mesmeric pull of the Beltway have been seduced by its animal magnetism.  It is OVER, you guys.  The last remaining staunch defenders of "Life DOES EXIST outside 495 you guys gosh" have suddenly and mysteriously LOST THE BATTLE.  Because of "JOB OFFERS," "LAW SCHOOL OPPORTUNITIES," and other "MADE UP THINGS."

Everyone but I mean everyone has succumbed and THIS "adventurer" is moving 1300 miles in the opposite direction.

What the WHAT.

So, yes, I am betwixt a moment in my short life in which I can spend a breakneck academic year in an urban-and-intimidating city earning an MA in Literature and spend it I will.  

I am at a junction in my incredibly-too-short life where I can accept a temporary and thrilling job offer across the country and ACCEPT IT I SHALL.  

I am STOKED to be young and flexible and BOTH OF THOSE I SHALL PROUDLY BE

BUT HOWEVER.
YOU. GUYS.

Do I miss the Commonwealth?  IS THAT A RHETORICAL QUESTION BECAUSE IT IS STUPID.

Do I miss my friends and our marathon coffee dates? LOST parties? Sunken Garden Streakings?  All-you-can-drink Mimosa Brunches?  Blatant people-watchings/gossipings (busted and I thank you again)?  Skydivings?  Circlings?  Mo-ho bondings?  Heated and at times inappropriate political "debates?"  Drivings to the Beach on a random Wednesday?  ODB parties?  Massive home-cooked FAILs?  Too many cocktails too many nights of the week?  Fetishings of colors? 
(YES I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU)

Do I feel a DEEP AND UNABIDING REMORSE that everyone BUT I MEAN EVERYONE I know and love has chosen to migrate to/within the greatest state in the Union and leave MY "adventurous" ass to fight it out in Alligator Country FOR THE NEXT TWENTY FOUR MONTHS?

I REFUSE TO DIGNIFY THAT WITH A RESPONSE.

Friends, you are lame. Except that you are so fabulous with your job offers and your law school offers and your general. awesomeness.

#gradschool #itistheworst #imissyouguys #stopmovingtonova