OKAY GUYS WTF JUST HAPPENED.

So let's make a couple things clear.

I am SO PROUD of my various friends and their many impressive accomplishments.  CONGRATULATIONS, FRIENDS!  You are doing AWESOME THINGS with your lives and I love visiting you at your respective jobs and super-kitsch homes and witnessing the GLOBALLY-SIGNIFICANT THINGS you are doing EVERY DAY!

I am incredibly fortunate and deeply humbled to be counted among your homies^max.  Please let us be friends forever, through life's many trials, tribulations, joys, and triumphs because FACT: you are the best, friends!!!

But I do have a request.

An Open Letter to All Y'All:

STOP BEING FABULOUS IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA.

I am aware!: It is WELL-KNOWN and DOCUMENTED that NoVa/DC headlines as

"Hittin' It One More Time: WM Tribe and the Post-College LOLZ!"  

We all knew this!  It was kind of a joke but not really because it was true!  There is an IKEA and the White House is nearby and all your friends live there and it's not selling out at all!!1!

But holy snapcrackles has the gauntlet been thrown.  The last people in the world I was confident were remaining outside the mesmeric pull of the Beltway have been seduced by its animal magnetism.  It is OVER, you guys.  The last remaining staunch defenders of "Life DOES EXIST outside 495 you guys gosh" have suddenly and mysteriously LOST THE BATTLE.  Because of "JOB OFFERS," "LAW SCHOOL OPPORTUNITIES," and other "MADE UP THINGS."

Everyone but I mean everyone has succumbed and THIS "adventurer" is moving 1300 miles in the opposite direction.

What the WHAT.

So, yes, I am betwixt a moment in my short life in which I can spend a breakneck academic year in an urban-and-intimidating city earning an MA in Literature and spend it I will.  

I am at a junction in my incredibly-too-short life where I can accept a temporary and thrilling job offer across the country and ACCEPT IT I SHALL.  

I am STOKED to be young and flexible and BOTH OF THOSE I SHALL PROUDLY BE

BUT HOWEVER.
YOU. GUYS.

Do I miss the Commonwealth?  IS THAT A RHETORICAL QUESTION BECAUSE IT IS STUPID.

Do I miss my friends and our marathon coffee dates? LOST parties? Sunken Garden Streakings?  All-you-can-drink Mimosa Brunches?  Blatant people-watchings/gossipings (busted and I thank you again)?  Skydivings?  Circlings?  Mo-ho bondings?  Heated and at times inappropriate political "debates?"  Drivings to the Beach on a random Wednesday?  ODB parties?  Massive home-cooked FAILs?  Too many cocktails too many nights of the week?  Fetishings of colors? 
(YES I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU)

Do I feel a DEEP AND UNABIDING REMORSE that everyone BUT I MEAN EVERYONE I know and love has chosen to migrate to/within the greatest state in the Union and leave MY "adventurous" ass to fight it out in Alligator Country FOR THE NEXT TWENTY FOUR MONTHS?

I REFUSE TO DIGNIFY THAT WITH A RESPONSE.

Friends, you are lame. Except that you are so fabulous with your job offers and your law school offers and your general. awesomeness.

#gradschool #itistheworst #imissyouguys #stopmovingtonova