The biggest struggle I foresee with this year is not knowing what's coming.
In a lot of ways, the obvious unknowns will work themselves out: I'll meet with my advisors and faculty members before determing my PhD application process. I'll get my hands on practice language proficiency exams before worrying about the difficulty level in passing. I'll post a precis draft to my thesis advisor and get some feedback before worrying about publishing a thesis. I'll find people to get lunch with and roam museums with and challenge literary criticisms with.
Others are much more subjective and difficult to find answers to: What happens if I do wait to apply for PhD programs and need to find a job? What if it snows in September and I decide I hate PA? What if Temple really does declare bankruptcy? Even more, who are my friends going to be one year from now? My favorite recurring question: What's "normal," now that W&M is a memory and everyone's lives are headed in vastly different directions?
As much as I trust myself to be okay and overcome obstacles and find fulfillment and happiness in whatever I do, it's tragic to think I'm doing these things alone. Then again, lots of people move away without moving apart, and I've built enough strong friendships I'm confident of that it's hard to justify being afraid of losing them. Maybe there's a difference between being alone and being lonely?
It's cheesy, but I definitely fear the unknown for this year.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You may feel that it's cheesy to be afraid of the unknown, but that is what everyone I've been talking to is feeling too and what I'm feeling. I believe you're just being honest with yourself. Unknowns are scary but dealing with that fear provides us with experience from which we can draw for years to come.
ReplyDeleteI'm really proud of you for jumping right in there and exploring. You continue living and learning and having adventures everyday and it won't be long before a lot of those unknowns are not so scary and worrisome. And remember, those days you do feel like a little fish in a big pond, and wish you were in a more familiar place with more familiar people, you always have people who love you, even if they aren't right there with you. And hey, at one point, even W&M was strange, new, and uncertain. You'll do great in Philly, no doubt!
ReplyDelete