i went from 150 to zero in like an hour. i refuse to achieve ever again.

Friday the 7th at 11:23am I completed the final requirement for my Master's degree in English Literature.

Just so we're clear: 24 credits, a stack of seminar papers, a foreign language proficiency exam, a twice-submitted qualifying paper, and a nervous breakdown (or three).  Two semesters.
I don't ever want to achieve again.

Also I had big plans for a year-in-review reflective blog post.  I left some space for major revelations and cute jokes and some hardcore goal-reviewing.  There were goals!: for this year, this semester, and for life in general that maybe I achieved and maybe I drop-kicked to the "idealism is for losers" curb.  There were fears I had that I hoped to overcome but managed to complement with additional fears.  And reckless bone-headedness. YES.

I assumed I would learn things about life in   academia, life in corporate America, life as a   mostly-grown adult, and how to negotiate my post-coital relationship with a pretty significant identity-shaping period in my life.  [Ed. note: still learning]

I survived crisis after crisis after self-induced crisis.  I celebrated some things.  I grudgingly accepted some things.  Some things I ignored and hoped they would just go away. They got worse.

Sometimes I was right. Usually I was wrong.

But mostly, I thought for sure I would be a different person today than I was in August of last year.  I was really looking forward to who I would be in May of 2010 and spoiler alert: I'm still me!
It's a little disappointing.

So, probably I should regroup.  Probably I should stop and think and spend more time on me and less time on "things I do."  Ultimately I am more than the bullet points on my resume or the statuses I update or the notches on my academic belt.
Probably it is time to start over (again).

... Right?  Okay.

But I think instead I will be sleeping through June.

But in universally proud news: Cheers to me for wrapping up grad school in Philadelphia in one whole (almost whole) year!

MY LORD COULD THAT HAVE TAKEN ANY LONGER

46 DAYS LATER:

For the LOVE, Sharon.

and THAT, friends, is my last hour of required coursework. pheewwwwww

Overheard in 1138, Spring 2010

professors are uncensored people, too

1/19/10
"I think all English professors are frustrated actors." soulmateprofessor

1/16/10
[Classmate: "So I had an interesting idea about social work in --"]
"Oh GOD. Save me from another 'interesting idea.'" ladycrushprofessor

1/26/10
"It's Tristram fucking Shandy." ladycrushprofessor

2/1/10
[Following a rousing performance of Finnegan's Wake:]
"Part of my senility is that I find myself singing in more of my classes. " ancientwakeianprofesser

2/16/10
"God, you guys.  You don't want to fuck with someone you don't like.  Well, you probably have, but ultimately ... it's just not good." ladycrushprofessor

3/23/10
"OMG RUDE." ladycrushprofessor
"It draws in many ways on Emerson. Not that that's that important. Just to let you know that I know that." ladycrushprofessor

4/2/10
"It was, like, junior year in high school and I remember telling my mother: 'In the case of a nuclear event, we should drive toward San Francisco.  It is best to be atomized." clarkekentprofessor

4/13/10
"You know it's art. Because you can't understand it." ladycrushprofessor

4/19/10
"I have a tendency to be a latent heterosexual. We all have our hang-ups." ancientwakeianprofessor

4/26/10
"And now I'm going to say something positive about Christianity. 'Why would I do this?' you ask... Are you ready for a gross image?" -ancientwakeianprofessor

4/27/10
"It's the end of the semester! Thank GOD. I need to retire." ladycrushprofessor

this is what the end of the semester looks like.

Donovan: "Well, you understand that we've reclassified the Master's paper as not another hurdle, but another turtle."
Anne: "A turtle?"
Donovan: "A turtle.  They hand you another turtle and you're expected to follow it around, figure out where it's going.  What kind of turtle it is.  It barely moves.  And if you push it too hard it just curls up into its shell and doesn't do anything which is worse than barely moving.  And of course you have five other turtles all in front of you and you have to follow all of them around but this turtle ..."
Anne: "A turtle."
Donovan: "A turtle."

I AM IN FACT GOING THERE.

You guys there are SIX EPISODES LEFT and I am required by law to post AN SINGLE homage to LOST before the finale!
Blame Landon: he Sawyer-homaged on my FB wall and I am not strong enough to resist that hot piece of dimpled Southern con man.
[Above link pretty much NSFW.]
[SKate. It's happening. Stop denying it.]

Out of respect for the English-major-ness of this blog I choose:  

SAWYER'S BOOK CLUB: he's pretty well-read actually

Happy LOST night you guys!

We were so innocent in Season 1. Do you guys even remember Season 1?

Judy Blume's Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
Grown man.
No shame.

Arguably more island-emo than the Ayn Rand Fountainhead moment is the classy set of Buddy Holly glasses.
Team Sawyer.

John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men and yes: the man is in JAIL and READING instead of scrapping for cigarettes or working on his Michael Jackson.
TEAM.
SAWYER.

Adolfo Bioy Casares's Invention of Morel. Hey you guys: remember when I was totally on point re: parallel universes?   WIN.
(LITERATURE. IT IS USEFUL.)

A

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle.
Guys don't interrupt a homie when he's READING.
ACKRITE.

RICHARD ADAMS' WATERSHIP DOWN!
SO! MANY! BUNNIES!

And finally GET. ON. THE. SKATE. TRAIN.












This has been your LOST post! YOU ARE WELCOME!

LIFE-ALTERING STANDARDIZED TESTS

So those PRAXIS tests?  One of which I am pretty confident I failed miserably?  The other of which I was not entirely sure I would score as well as a fifth grader on?

ElemEd Content: PASSED.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

A) My numeric score not only PASSED but has an (E) tacked on.  I thought that was weird.  I checked it out.  Evidently my score is high enough to qualify for "Recognition of EXCELLENCE!!1!1":

Excellent. I am JUST AS SMART as a fifth grader even if I remain unclear regarding Benjamin Franklin's Presidential status (Not a President?  French prostitutes.  Bifocals. The Constitution? Bennies? Printing presses).

B) Virginia's standards for passing are lower than Louisiana's. I am excellent bistately.

C) PS. I'm an English major, which may or may not be widely known among my reading public.  I also hold a Bachelor of Sciences degree because that is cooler than Arts (OR BUSINESS OH SNAP) and it is a magnificent piece of art patiently waiting for a living room couch over which to be prominently hung and duly worshipped.  Not that I use the Sciences part: pretty sure I'm better at English anyway.

Or used to be.  Um, I scored third-lowest on the language arts section.  Just about math level, in fact.  There are people in this world who remember teaching me how to SUM NUMBERS in Physics sophomore year so what the what is that about.

I have this dream of one day being handed a PhD eventually someday, and according to ETS it should be in Chemistry.  Or Physics.  OR SCIENTOLOGY.

Which is great because women in the sciences get paid like a billion dollars a year, right?

chocolate. bunnies.

Home to that seductress Commonwealth for Easterings!

So, um, about yesterday, Commonwealth.  I'm sorry.  I was little harsh, but you understand.
You're beautiful.  You have Trader Joe's wine.  Thomas Jefferson. 13 electoral votes.  The Beach. Mountainous mountains.  Colonial living.  Skyline Drive.  Peach, Strawberry, and Neptune festivals.  The #6 public university in the nation.
The key to my heart.

You seduced all my friends and I got emotional.  I'm sorry.  But really I lessthanthree you and should say it more often.

Plus, none of those Virginia-bound homies^max have ever had crawfish étoufée (much less REAL crawfish étoufée) (in S.LA) (during Mardi Grass '11? DIANADANetal??) and oh man does THAT day sing of bells and rainbows and joyous whistles.

So, Virginia, to conclude: I'm thrilled to see you this weekend and we can make up over gorgeous weather and chocolate bunnies!  I forgive you already!

TO VIRGINIA!!

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." - Psalms 51:10